If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
