So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
