Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
