Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
