Girls should come with a carfax report
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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