I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
