I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
