There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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