Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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