Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
