i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's the barista slut.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
