I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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