i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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