i permit you to call me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
