Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
