Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize