I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
