he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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