You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
