we have pet lesbian snakes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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