Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
