I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
