I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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