never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
