I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
