you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
