took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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