in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
