Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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