I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
