You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize