I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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