Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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