This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
well you can't waste a boner
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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