i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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