she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
