you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
