He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
