I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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