he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
