Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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