a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Every concussion has its silver lining
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
