Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
