Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
