Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
