True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
