Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
