Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
