What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
