It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
