so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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