do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
