I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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