you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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