Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
