Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
