Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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