Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize