btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Say something about gay babies.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize