You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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