The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
