Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
