i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize