Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
