I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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