I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
