we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
