i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
