yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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