That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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