You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
