Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
