News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just want nice things and good sex
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize