Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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